Written By: Ritarilla Barick Yusuf
Parents need to understand that if they built an antagonistic parenting structure when their kids were young, they (parents) are the ones who will eventually suffer for it.
If you championed conflict between your children, and encouraged unnecessary fiction, your children will become adults and you will never be able to bring them together for a simple activity as Lunch. They will always have excuses as to why they will not sit at the table with you. At least one of them.
Because some of them still carry the discomfort of growing up in an environment that was constantly judgmental and subtly unhealthy. The hostility they experienced will remain a bad taste in the mouth, and they will move away from it as far as their choices as adults will permit.
You cannot force adults who grew up dissecting unnecessary arguments when they were younger, under your care, to become best friends or even care deeply enough to check on one another as adults. There’s only so much pretense you can perform for sake of family. and this is why it is important to ensure your kids are friends.
Personally, I have no plans to stick around monitoring my kids’ lives or pitching one against the other to gain cheap scores. Let everybody form healthy choices and get the support of the rest of the family. No judgements.
I don’t even want to allow them have unnecessary arguments unless it is one that has to happen. I don’t plan to team up with one over the other.
Because the only person that will suffer if my children in the future are not close, would me. I want to have a close-knit family, where we can all meet up for dinner without the slightest uneasiness about anything.
Parents, learn to apologize if your children point out your wrongs.
Nobody has time to gas your superman/woman fantasies.
You are wrong. You’ve been wrong. You are still wrong. And that is ok. You are human, after all.
But what is not okay, is emotional blackmail. Nobody has time for that.
I am planning to be the easiest mum in the world, because I know I am the one who will suffer if my children do not find tranquility around my space. I do not want my children to love me or visit me out of duty. It has to be for love. Love that chooses me every single time over anything else and anyone else.
And if I want that in the future, I have to create that positive environment in the present and that’s what I think parents needs to create, and become.